Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
