I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Even my vagina gasped.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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