Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
