and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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