Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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