The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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