another moral hangover. fuck.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
