Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
