So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
