I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
