i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
