Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
