you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
