You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
