If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
