What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
