Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
