Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
