OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
