and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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