I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
