so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
