A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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