Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
