Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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