Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
