you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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