Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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