If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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