i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
this is an emotional support booty call
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
