Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
be right there i have to get my cape
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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