I wanna passion pit in your ass
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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