They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
