he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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