a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
