In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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