So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
