That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Randomize
