Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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