I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Holy shit dude........stairs
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
