Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
