ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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