I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
