they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
