You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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