Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
