Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
