Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
