I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
