How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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