I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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