So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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