Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
